5 lessons that I have learned about labor and delivery as I prepare for the birth of our 11 child

Tami and I are about to have our 11th baby.  We are expecting a girl this time after having three boys with pregnancies number 8, 9, and 10.  For those of you who know us well (or have been following us) you are likely aware that it is a bit early for us to be in the hospital awaiting a delivery but unfortunately Tami has been having some pre-eclampsia symptoms.  Because of this we have begun to do some things to help her move toward labor within the next day or so.  As we wait I have been reflecting on some of the lessons that I have learned about labor and delivery.  So, here now are five things that I have learned after having 10 experiences with labor and delivery.

Lesson #1: Labor and delivery it isn’t like the movies.  Babies really don’t come as fast as the movies portray. I have never had to run red any red lights.  Most of the time we are at the hospital for a half a day or more before the baby actually comes.  Although… I must confess that I was pulled over by a policeman while we were on the way to the hospital almost 18 months ago to have baby number 10.  When he looked inside the van and saw my pregnant wife who was rubbing her belly he asked “Are you on your way to the hospital?” I said “yes” and he pointed up ahead and said, “On your way then!” and he let me go.  Truth be told, I probably deserved the ticket because my speedy driving had nothing to do with my wife’s labor.

Lesson #2. Humor isn’t always appropriate and not every nurse and doctor has a since of humor.  Or maybe I should say not everyone has my since of humor.  I recall how during one of our labor and delivery experiences a nurse was instructing Tami to collect urine for testing. She gave a bunch of directives and threw around a lot of hospital jargon and finished by stating that said that she had left a “hat” in the bathroom for her to use.  The next time she came in I told her that we tried on the hat but it didn’t fit well and that it really wasn’t her style!  The nurse wasn’t very amused.  Just this evening a nurse gave Tami a does of antibiotics through her I.V.  When the medicine began to flow Tami cringed in pain and said that  was really “burning”.  I quickly got the nurse and reported her experience.  The nurse responded quickly but informed me that the medicine would do that because it was pretty powerful and would kill anything in it’s path, to which I playfully responded… “well my wife is in it’s path right now so please don’t let it kill her!”  Thankfully she caught that I was joking– sorta.

Lesson #3. Never complain.  I learned to never complain about my own aches or pains during my wife’s labor and delivery. Nor should I mention that I’m tired or hungry.  Neither should you.  If your wife is anything like mine she will have a hard time sympathizing with you.  She may even interpret your complaint as a lack of understanding and focus toward her.  Speaking of being in pain, I recall how I kept my rings on during the labor and delivery of our first child Ashlin Grace.  The trouble started when I offered her my hand to her as something to squeeze during her long and painful contractions. Because the baby had a shoulder distortion Tami went through a lot of pain which she communicated through her hands as she squeezed the life blood out of mine.  I never let her know that she was grinding my wedding ring right into the sides of my fingers (which left marks and indentations that lasted quite a few days).  It hurt pretty bad but I wasn’t about to say ouch! … I just learned to remove my rings before offering my wife a hand to squeeze during intense labor.

Lesson #4. Be fully present. Labor can be a long time but it is not necessarily the best time to work or make work related phone calls.  I can’t say that I was always fully present for my wife during every one of our previous 10 labor and birth experiences.  There is often a lot of sitting around and waiting.  It might seem like a great time to get a little work done but I have found that it is not.  You might need to call in a few directives to your team to keep things going in your absence but the key here is to go ahead and be absent.  Your job will be there when you get back.  The place will likely survive without you for a few days.  And although I learned pretty quickly that I should let go of work, I found that it was pretty easy for me to get caught up in being photographer and videographer of the birth when I should have been in my place (keep reading)

Lesson #5. Know my place.  Although I have witnessed a lot of baby’s being born and although I probably could deliver one safely if I had to, I know my place and it is not at the foot of the bed.  Rather, I have learned that I have a special place near the head of the bed.  My greatest help and contribution to the labor and delivery experience is to monitor and encourage my wife’s heart, soul, mind and spirit.  It is my job to leaning in to speak and sometimes whisper words of encouragement, praying for her.  It is my role to reassure her, bless and pray for her.  This is a very special assignment and these are things that doctors and nurses, despite all their training, could never offer my wife the way I can.  So, I’m preparing my heart for my important job in the labor and delivery room… and if I’m smart (and I’m getting there) I’ll do these same things when she get’s back home.

Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: “Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.”
~ Proverbs‬ ‭31‬:‭28-29‬ ~