photo credit: Jessica Switt
Our kids love to play outside. One of their favorite places to play is our long black top driveway. They love to create chalk designs and ride their bikes together out there. It’s a fairly long driveway, as driveways go, but it probably seems quite long to our littlest boys who are two, three and four years old.
One of the hazards of living on our long straight country road are the speeding cars. Though there isn’t constant traffic on our road, it is common for people to fly by our house at 80 miles an hour or more. One of the ways we guard the boys from tragedy has been to draw a solid chalk line on the driveway at the point where we feel they are safe. We always tell them this is your “turnaround” line. Of course we leave quite a bit of margin between the turnaround line and the street (a good 15 feet from the road).
The line drawing technique has worked out pretty well for us. The kids ride their bikes right up to the line spin around and head back toward the house. Of course, sometimes they go over the line on accident and other times they test the boundary on purpose. Either way, we are always quick to correct them. We have even been pleased to hear them correct each other about “crossing the line.” We are thrilled that they obey us and honor the lines we have drawn for them. So, you can imagine how pleasing it was to me a few days ago when I saw my four-year-old son Prestin drawing the line for himself. Not only was he drawing the line for himself but he drew it in the exact place that I would’ve drawn it!
Of course I took a moment to praise him and I made sure that I patted him on the back for making a good choice about “where to draw the line.” As I walked back toward the house I felt a warm sense of hope settle into my heart. It was also a special sense of affirmation about our resolve as parents to show our children “where to draw the lines” at play and in life.
Here now are 5 ways we help our children know where to draw the lines.
-1- Have conversations with them about where, why and how to draw the lines. Share biblical perspectives and directives about how to live well. Clear spiritual, moral, physical and relational boundaries and expectations need to be declares and discussed early and often. Parents should not make the mistake of thinking their kids will simply pick these things up or deduct the right ideas on their own. There are a lot of voices speaking to our children about what is good and right but no voice is more powerful in a child’s life than the voices of his or her parents. So speak up! They are listening and they can be taught.
-2- Model what it means to draw and live free inside the lines.
It is one thing to teach and it’s quite another thing to live it out. Children need to see how boundaries bring blessing and freedom and not suffocating restrictions of their happiness. Parents who both teach and model where, why and how to draw the lines can have confidence in their child’s ability to succeed in establishing and maintaining rightly established boundaries in the future.
-3- Introduce them to other living examples. I’m a big proponent of children and youth ministries. Not only do they offer weekly opportunities for my kids to connect with others who are their same age, it’s a place where they relate to and hear from other adults who reinforce the message we are with our kids at home. There are a number of other significant adults from our church who share in our life and provide fun experiences for our children. During these times they also echo the wisdom and values we teach at home.
-4- Test run line drawing and line crossing scenarios with them. One of our families favorite devotional books has been one titled “sticky situations.” Our kids love hearing these short but significant stories of trouble and testing. They love to talk it through and discover God’s way in every situation. This devotional test run will help them realize “This is like that” when they find themselves in comparable sticky situations!
-5- Correct them when they cross the lines. There are a number of ways to correct your kids when they cross the lines. Sometimes disciple and imposed consequence is required. Other times the choice itself, will bring about natural corrective consequences where all you’ll need to do is help them own the mistake, embrace the results, and find their way back on the right path. In either case, or in any case, kids feel loved when they experience correction.
So, get out your chalk and draw some lines and then show your kids how to play inside of them.
“Listen, my sons, to a father’s instruction; pay attention and gain understanding. I give you sound learning, so do not forsake my teaching. For I too was a son to my father, still tender, and cherished by my mother. Then he taught me, and he said to me, “Take hold of my words with all your heart; keep my commands, and you will live.”
~ Proverbs 4:1-4 ~