Her Last-First Day

Moments ago I (Todd) said goodbye to our two oldest daughters as Tami drove away with them for their “first day” of high school. I’m not too manly to admit that a wave of emotion came over me as I realized it was my oldest daughter’s last first day of school.  Somewhat surprised at the feeling that hit me like a sucker punch, I decided to sit with myself (and a cup of coffee) and think it through.

My first thoughts of course we’re on the fact that my little girl is growing up so fast. Of course it seems like yesterday that we took her in for kindergarten meet the teacher.  So, yes that “it feels like only yesterday” thought swept through my heart and mind, but it wasn’t the only feeling that was present.

Strangely, the stronger feeling that I experienced was that same mix of pride and love that I felt for her the moment that she was born.  It was quite an experience to feel it again after almost 17 years.  Every dad will tell you that they felt this way the moment they saw their baby for the first time.  It’s universal – that flood of emotion and connection that makes the soul of a father whisper, “I love you no matter what.”  It was an amazing feeling then, but I was caught off guard to have that feeling return to me so strongly today.

When I held Ashlin in my arms on her first day of life I was so proud of her – and she hadn’t even accomplished a single thing.  Today when I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead, my love and pride were there in the same way – though by now she has now accomplished many things. She is smart and beautiful. She has learned a lot of things through school, at church and through life.  She has developed many gifts and talents and has made a lot of friends.  She’s a great singer, worship leader, artist and writer.  She has accomplished a lot and I am proud of her.

I guess you could say that my feelings of pride in her today were double stacked.  I am proud of Ashlin Grace for all she has accomplished, however, there is a pride that exists above and beyond all of her accomplishments – it is the pride I have in her for who she is – my beloved child.  She probably won’t understand this until she has a child of her own (I know I couldn’t have) but she doesn’t have to accomplish anything for me to feel this way about her.  It’s just there and after my little moment today, I am realizing that I will always feel this way about her (and all my kids).

I don’t know if you had a similar experience today when your kids headed off for their first day of school (don’t feel guilty if you didn’t), but I know that I felt something good and profound that seemed like a small but significant gift from God.

And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.”
|~ Matthew 3:17 ~