I’m sure you’ve heard them… little cliché’s people offer when they are trying to promote optimism in a clearly troubling situation. Phrases like, “When life gives you lemons make lemonade.” Sometimes there’s an attempt to shift our perspective – “Don’t look at the glass as half empty, instead view it as half full.” Other times we try giving ourselves a pep talk, “Well, you can only go up from here!” If you’re a Christian you have probably had at least one person quote 1 Corinthians 10:13 out of context…“God will never give you more than you can handle.”
To be real and candid, I (Tami) am not the greatest with unplanned situations. To be completely honest I’m horrible when I’m faced with unplanned anything. I know that unplanned things happen –that’s life, and I am really challenging myself to become better at dealing with unplanned situations, lemons, curve balls, storms and other ambiguities in life.
Ambiguity and even spontaneity are tough for me to deal with because I am a planner. I pride myself on being a planner and executing my well made plans. Aside from that, it is a necessity in our house. Daily life in a household of 13 people would not go so well if things were not planned! Hardly a day goes by that Todd and I do not sit down with our calendars to talk about the “ins and outs” of our day. It takes some major calendar choreography to keep everything going around here without too much stress.
I understand that the plan may change and I try to plan for that as well. I try and leave margin in the timing and when things get a little too tight I am thankful for our many close church friends, fellow soccer parents and my brother-in-law’s family who live nearby.
Like I shared before, I’m a pretty proud planner who has a lot to learn about how to handle curve balls in general but especially the moments that spin you around, turn you upside down, knock the wind out of you and leave you seeing stars.
My most recent major curve ball came at the birth of our 11th child Riehlin. Because I was having issues with my blood pressure, I was admitted to the hospital at 36 weeks and 6 days. In an effort to help my blood pressure stabilize my doctor decided it would be best to induce labor. I was in “labor” for 48 hours and we did everything we could to create movement but the baby just wouldn’t come. My doctor came in to check my progress and that sadly concluded that although the baby was head down when I was induced, she had somehow turned inside of me. I was stunned. This wasn’t what I had planned for. We talked for a brief moment about the idea of turning the baby ourselves but in the end we agreed that a C-section would be the safest option for the baby and I.
If you know our story, you are likely aware that up to this point I have had 10 all natural deliveries. I have never had a C-section and at this point I never expected that I would. I was in complete panic. I was in hormone overload. I was sleep deprived and in pain. Beyond all of this, I was in utter disgust that my body was not doing what I had planned for it to do! I was not happy. No, to put it more bluntly, I was in hysterics and there was nothing anyone could say that would make the glass seem half full or the bitter lemons that were being shoved in my mouth taste sweet. I didn’t want to hear the nurse say how nice C-sections are and how the Dr’s and nurses do all the work. I had already done all the work and had nothing to show for it. I didn’t want to hear the growing percentages of women who have been able to have V-BAC’s (vaginal birth after C-section). I just wanted a natural birth experience just like the last 10 children! I had planned on a fast recovery so I could get back to life as I knew it (but with a new added bundle of joy). This was NOT my plan.
Of course the C-section was performed, and I did my best to break out of the disappointment and disillusionment so that I could be fully present for my husband and my new born. As wonderful as it was to see her sweet face, I was sad that I couldn’t immediately hold and nurse her as I did all of my other babies. I hated being separated from her and my husband while I was placed in recovery. I was becoming more anxious by the hour as my body wouldn’t “come out of the spinal block” as most others do. When I got back to my room I almost cried just looking at the big mirror and the huge lights on the ceiling knowing that I didn’t get to have the wonderful experience of seeing my baby born. I was put on magnesium for my blood pressure and couldn’t be in the room alone with my baby. Not one part of the experience felt right. It was all foreign and sad to me and I had a very difficult time accepting the change of plans. To be honest, I’m still learning the “lesson from my experience.” But here are at least a few small things I’ve learned about handing life’s curve balls (big or small).
- Build a strong support network: It goes without saying but I’ll say it anyway. If you want support from others, you must be willing to support them when life takes them down an unexpected road. It’s not social karma, it’s just the way friendship works.
- Expect the un-expected: What does that old idiom say?… “The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry.” I’m learning to make solid plans but also to hold on to them loosely. Things may (and probably will change).
- Trust God, not your plans: More important than the other things I mentioned, I am learning to trust God above myself.
“Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God”
~ Psalm 43:5 ~