If you opened this post it is likely that you are looking to see why I would be so rude as to call you a bad parent! Or…you may have clicked because you actually feel that you are a bad parent. In either case (or any case) I’m glad you clicked because I want to address the bad feeling parents often have about themselves. The feeling that you’re a bad parent is often the result two BIG parenting mistakes. The first mistake has very little to do with how you are actually parenting your kids and much more to do with how you view other parents and their kids. The parenting mistake you are likely making is this… living by comparison.
You’ll always end up labeling yourself as a bad parent when you live your life comparing your worst bloopers as a parent with other people’s parenting highlight reel. I know, it’s easy to do.
Just prior to reading this post you were likely scrolling through social media subconsciously comparing or maybe even consciously comparing your life to others. You scrolled by the pictures of perfect Peggy and the video clip of her son’s winning soccer goal and the pics of the trophy his team won because of it. You double tapped to enlarge the photos of your friend’s picture perfect playground photos taking note of their amazing smiles and name-brand clothing. The only reason you tap the “like” button is because there is not an “envy” button. In the end, your short comings are a striking contrast and no match to their shining moments. Sadly, many of us make a daily habit of this type of self-torture and it’s a big parenting mistake.
When you make the mistake of living by comparison this leads to you making a second big mistake… living in isolation. Comparison loves to whisper ideas like… “you’re not good enough” and “you’re a bad parent” while Isolation likes to whisper things like, “Don’t let anyone get to close because they’ll find out how bad of a parent you really are!” Isolation threatens you with, “No one else loses it with their kids like you do!” He plays on your fears saying things like, “I know you’d like to have friends but your kids will misbehave right in front of them or even worse, your kids might get in a fight with their kids! You’d better just stay away from others because your screwed up kids and bad parenting will be exposed!”
When we live by comparison and operate in patterns of isolation it is difficult to break our belief of the lie that we are bad and others are better. But here is the truth, there is no such thing as a perfect person and therefore, is no such thing as a perfect parent. The Bible says in James 3:2 “We all stumble in many ways…” I suppose we’ve just gotten really good at hiding our faults and flaws from one another. But that’s not the way it should be. So what’s the antidote for comparison and isolation? If you want to kill comparison and emerge from isolation you can! Take a bold step toward connection and community.
This is why my wife has always been a big supporter of MOPS (Mother’s Of Pre-Schoolers) ministry. It’s why I put so much energy into helping people connect in small groups at my church. Comparison breeds discontentment and isolation. Connection and Community exposes the truth that we are all in need of grace and no one is perfect. We struggle and stumble in many ways but with the gift of God’s grace and the gift of real and honest friendship we become better.
It’s a lie, you’re not a bad parent. You’re probably a pretty good one! Go ahead… send the text, place the call, send the message! Stop comparing your life and start sharing and connecting your life to others.
Want to explore more ways to thrive as a parent? We can help Click here.
“Do not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encourage one another — all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
~ Hebrews 10:25 ~